music: tv is running
yesterday we went home early. you were asleep very fast. i layed a few minutes next to you, cuddled up to you.i listened to your breath. and then...this feeling again.
like... my haert´s exploding. beats against my chest, wants to beat against your haert. in these minutes i would attack everybody who wants to harm you and everything that tries to hurt you! i want every part of my body touching you.
well. my only problem: showing you these feelings.
making clear that i love you.
mood: so damn relaxed^^
Music: Fedde Le Grand - Put You Hands Up
yeah. holiday. i´m so damn happy about this. won´t think about duties.... just about my fucking sun-allergy. yes, that exists-.-.
but apart from that, my life is complete again. im still in love with the cutest emo on this planet, since friday i haven´t eaten something else than barbecue stuff, my skin got al lil bit brown, i made my mother happy, tonight feichts birthday party
yep, i think these holidays are as good, no better, that the last^^
music: DJ Sakin & Friends - Nomansland
do you know this? you talk to somebody, sit somewhere, do something and then you know: That´s it!! this is missing!! why can´t i have it?? why can´t i just go, take it and call it mine?
here are the circumstances:
yesterday i was invited by a man. just for lunch. this man was the first man in my life and he will be the last. i judged him for being his father´s son. i doomed him because of being his father´s son. i didn´t wanted to talk to that man, didn´t want to see that man, yes, sometime ago i even wanted to kill him.
now i know that he was the only one. the only one who thought of me. the only one who tried to protect me. i couldn´t forget your face, this day, i screamed at you...
but now, i know that i destroyed us. yesterday i watched him. i just wanted to go touch him, hug him and say "i´m so sorry, for all that i´ve said, done and thought."
but i destroyed us. my chance has passed. it´s over. i will never ever can talk with him like i should. i built a wall between us, which can´t collapse. my hopes and deeper insight came to late.
i need you. i don´t need a fairy tale, but i need you for beeing complete. yesterday i understood that you are the missing part of my life...
i´m so sorry dad, here´s your lil´ zaubermaus, please let me come back...