Mood: exhaustes


Music: P5hng me A_wy - Linkin Park



afraid. i´m suprised about that. 

friday night. 5 am. my best friend crashes into the bedroom, with him two good friends. 

search the mistake...found it? 

right. i was sleeping. and you know what? I´m not a party pooper, but there´s a time of the day, mostly between the moment i go to bed and the moment i wake up, where i´m not funny. absolutly not.

okay, so three goddamn drunk guys are crashing the room(by the way, i was happy that i was wearing a t-shirt...). my best friend smells like a bucket of barf, Mikim talks desultorily things and whanabee...well...he just tried to tell us how sorry he feels. not funny.

maybe i would laugh NOW about this kindergarten'joke'. but the problem was: they didn´t just fulminate into the room once. no, that would have been fun. no, they bored us five times. absolutly not funny.

okay, after half an hour of selfdicipline and 5 cigarettes i decided to eat the pizza my best friend left in the kitchen when he slamed the frontdoor screaming: "i hate her, she doesn´t like me anymore, she called me antisocial!"(by the way, he talked about me-.-. i told him to leave the room because i don´t care why he smells like barf.)

pizza was fine. mikim layed on the couch still talking stupid crap about squirrelballs, whanabee, he seemed almost sober, telling us the story of the night. the bell rings, my best friend´s back. "it´s cold outside, and whanabee needs too much time." pussy-.-...

6 am. everybody out. we´re just on our way back to bed. the BELL RINGS!!! guess who´s there? yup, my best friend. he asks for me, he wants to talk to me. ahm...hello? you´re drunk? and the staircase is fucking cold? doesn´t matter, he´s my boy, i love him,okay, i´m coming.

whanabee gets mad. he wants to go home. he´s tired and, maybe i mentioned it once or twice, it´s cold. 

talking about the stress we have. i feel so sorry, nothing is as it should be. he cried. i send him home. told him to talk tomorrow.

well, he staggered me. and he forgot that we were talking at 6 am.

i shouldn´t be angry...but i miss him. 





By the way, did you recognized how hard it is to overcome your own borders?  just a few words... time will do it.




i´m out.

2 Kommentare 18.1.09 20:18, kommentieren

Ein Intellekt weint...

no music, no mood!



just fucking dissapointed, desperate and hopeless.


dude, i hate this world.





i´m out.

28.9.08 20:36, kommentieren

Damn it!!

Mood: so fucking desperate


music: not loud enough




hey dude, you know what? you lied to me!!! fuck man, i´m just lying in bed, because i had a fucking operation, a fucking operation, which destroyes me completely and what are you doing????

leaving me alone!!

leaving me alone with all this bloody shit. alone with 13 twinges in my stomach and three holes.

you´re doing something. and you know i don´t like this.

and know, know i see, that yozu lied to me. SHE WAS THERE!! and SHE BLOGGED ME FOR LOOKING AT THESE FOTOS!!!


and what are you gonna say now dude?? you´re feeding my doubts honey... and you don´t even get it...


whatur gonna say....





i´m out

1 Kommentar 1.9.08 15:19, kommentieren

Things i wanna say

mood: in love ...


music: Silbermond - Das Beste




sometimes i hate myself. usually i always know what to say. usually.

saturday. both of us. maybe bit drunk. you asked me something. i answered. joking. suddenly, getting serius. honest. nothing around us. you told me something.

breathtaking. don´t know if you have seen it. wanted to say something. screaming, telling you what´s rumbling between my chest and my feet.

speachless. first time since...ever? nobody ever told me something like this. gesturing. there was nothing i could say.

you. i hope you understood. for the rest...




Ich habe einen Schatz gefunden und der trägt deinen Namen.
So wunderschön und wertvoll und mit keinem Geld der Welt zu bezahlen.
Du schläfst neben mir ein, ich könnt dich die ganze Nacht betrachten.
Sehn wie du schläfst, hörn wie du atmest, bis wir am Morgen erwachen.
Hast es wieder mal geschafft mir den Atem zu rauben.
Wenn du neben mir liegst, dann kann ich es kaum glauben, dass jemand wie ich so was Schönes wie dich verdient hat.

Du bist das Beste was mir je passiert ist.
Es tut so gut wie du mich liebst.
Vergess den Rest der Welt, wenn du bei mir bist.
Du bist das Beste was mir je passiert ist.
Es tut so gut wie du mich liebst.
Ich sags dir viel zu selten: Es ist schön, dass es dich gibt.

Dein Lachen macht süchtig fast so als wär es nicht von dieser Erde.
Auch wenn deine Nähe Gift wär, ich würd’ bei dir sein solange bis ich sterbe.
Dein verlassen würde Welten zerstören, doch daran will ich nicht denken.
Viel zu schön ist es mit dir, wenn wir uns gegenseitig Liebe schenken.
Betank mich mit Kraft.
Nimm mir die Zweifel von den Augen.
Erzähl mir tausend Lügen, ich würd’ sie dir alle glauben.
Doch ein Zweifel bleibt:
Dass ich jemanden wie dich verdient hab.

Du bist das Beste was mir je passiert ist.
Es tut so gut wie du mich liebst.
Vergess den Rest der Welt, wenn du bei mir bist.
Du bist das Beste was mir je passiert ist.
Es tut so gut wie du mich liebst.
Ich sags dir viel zu selten: Es ist schön, dass es dich gibt.

Wenn sich mein Leben überschlägt, bist du die Ruhe und die Zuflucht.
Weil alles was du mir gibst einfach so unendlich gut tut.
Wenn ich rastlos bin, bist du die Reise ohne Ende.
Deshalb lege ich meine kleine, große Welt in deine schützenden Hände.

Du bist das Beste was mir je passiert ist.
Es tut so gut wie du mich liebst.
Vergess den Rest der Welt, wenn du bei mir bist.
Du bist das Beste was mir je passiert ist.
Es tut so gut wie du mich liebst.
Ich sags dir viel zu selten: Es ist schön, dass es dich gibt.

Ich sags dir viel zu selten: Es ist schön, dass es dich gibt.




and still waiting for the right words and the right way...

1 Kommentar 15.6.08 21:53, kommentieren


mood: wishfully

music: DJ Sakin & Friends - Nomansland


do you know this? you talk to somebody, sit somewhere, do something and then you know: That´s it!! this is missing!! why can´t i have it?? why can´t i just go, take it and call it mine?

here are the circumstances:

yesterday i was invited by a man. just for lunch. this man was the first man in my life and he will be the last. i judged him for being his father´s son. i doomed him because of being his father´s son. i didn´t wanted to talk to that man, didn´t want to see that man, yes, sometime ago i even wanted to kill him.

now i know that he was the only one. the only one who thought of me. the only one who tried to protect me. i couldn´t forget your face, this day, i screamed at you...

but now, i know that i destroyed us. yesterday i watched him. i just wanted to go touch him, hug him and say "i´m so sorry, for all that i´ve said, done and thought."

but i destroyed us. my chance has passed. it´s over. i will never ever can talk with him like i should. i built a wall between us, which can´t collapse. my hopes and deeper insight came to late.

i need you. i don´t need a fairy tale, but i need you for beeing complete. yesterday i understood that you are the missing part of my life...


i´m so sorry dad, here´s your lil´ zaubermaus, please let me come back...


2 Kommentare 16.5.08 20:44, kommentieren


mood: so damn relaxed^^

Music: Fedde Le Grand - Put You Hands Up



yeah. holiday. i´m so damn happy about this. won´t think about duties.... just about my fucking sun-allergy. yes, that exists-.-.

but apart from that, my life is complete again.  im still in love with the cutest emo on this planet, since friday i haven´t eaten something else than barbecue stuff, my skin got al lil bit brown, i made my mother happy, tonight feichts birthday party

yep, i think these holidays are as good, no better, that the last^^


i´m out.         

14.5.08 15:02, kommentieren

Sleeping next to you...

mood: chilled

music: tv is running


yesterday we went home early. you were asleep very fast. i layed a few minutes next to you, cuddled up to you.i listened to your breath. and then...this feeling again.

like... my haert´s exploding. beats against my chest, wants to beat against your haert. in these minutes i would attack everybody who wants to harm you and everything that tries to hurt you! i want every part of my body touching you.

well. my only problem: showing you these feelings.

making clear that i love you.


i´m out.

4.5.08 21:32, kommentieren